been a long time hasnt it...i feel like i'm on the other side of the world...my father hasnt had anything to do with me since he married the stepmonster. my brother chose his wife over me. i moved to south carolina....i'm missin runnin around nanny & papa's yard playing chase and hidin in the big tree on the corner of the house. I remember that year we saw santa flying overhead. Its weird, I'm an adult, I swear to god I remember actually seeing the sleigh way up in the sky... I miss those days. I miss my family. I miss that old wood pile at the back of papa's chair when you walked in the door.

Every year we all waited for that one day where everyone loved us. then every year it got less and less like what i longed for....i take that back...i think aunt linda might have held all that together...i think maybe thats the year it all started to go downhill....aunt linda was everyones favorite aunt. she was definatly my favorite. she was murdered along with my uncle bobey and my cousin brian and a few other people down the road. after they died....we all just lost touch over time.

....look around and we are old...and our kids are doing the things we did and omg what are they thinking......same things we did...kids nowadays dont know how to get away with stuff...

sounds so complicated...but thats only daddy's side of the family. i always had a memorable Christmas with my moms side too.

but thats another night...another story.

Well, this is the last week before the big day. We've been waiting on our child support settlement now for about....12 years...and its almost over....the lawyer finalized everything on Friday..and we hope to have our payment shortly. I'm on pins and needles...I just want my kids to wake up and be suprised! They really deserve it...

So, if everyone could send some energy my way, I sure could use it! We all have our fingers crossed that it makes in time for St. Nick!

Blessings to everyone!

I dont know if you guys remember or not..but at Samhain, I went to circle hoping to visit with my grandfather. As it went, i didnt hear from him that night...and Dee told me that perhaps I wasnt ready to speak to him...and I settled for that....

A few nights later, I had a dream of him...plain as day, just as I remembered him...and we had a conversation....then he said to me....I'll get that gun for you.

To those of you who dont know me...my husband was a Marine sharp shooter, and has been begging for a shot gun to go hunting with his boys. His last wife made him get rid of all weapons..I have been wanting to get him a gun..and was thinking about getting him one for Christmas. But, of course...they are expensive...

I've been thinking about what my grandfather told me....I'll get you that gun.....Yesterday, a freind of mine decided he didnt want the gun he'd just bought for a turkey shoot. He is selling it to me on time. I dont have to pay for it right away...just what I can give him when I can give it to him...

How bout that....he got me that gun just like he said he would.

Thats good stuff...I dont care how you look at it!

I finally got around to getting the pics up of the new (well its really old). What do ya think?

There have been times in my life when I have been a cat person. And there have been times when I tried to find a cat and it didnt work out with us. I'm wondering if that is because, when i was searching for a cat, I looked to hard and always got one that didnt mesh with me. Several times I've had the spraying in the house thing..ran away...or clawed the kids really bad.....and then there have been those times when a cat found me. Those are the ones that I had the oppertunity to love...and was loved back unconditionally.

Two months ago, someone dropped off three mitten paw cats in my neighborhood. They were so lovable, I couldnt help but fall in love with them. Each of them. For there own charecteristics. They were so gentle with my girls...I couldnt figure out why someone dropped them off.

Then one of them disapeared. I found out later it crawled under my neighbors house and cried till it died. When I moved two weeks ago, we couldnt find one of the two that we were feeding, so we ended up leaving with only one. It happend to be my favorite one. He was always at my front door when I left for the day, and waiting for me on the porch when I got home. Last week, when I was sick, he lay with me like he could make me all better.

This weekend, I found out why they dropped off the cats. Feline Lukemia. I'm guessing...but I think maybe there mother might have died from it, and the owner decided they couldnt watch these three wonderful cats die like she did. My kitty died on Saturday. I only had him with me for two months...but I loved him so much...and I miss him...

Last night, as i lay trying to sleep. I could sense he was at the foot of my bed..looking up at me. I wish I knew what he was thinking....or maybe I dont...since I couldnt do anything for him but try to make him comfortable. I hope he doesnt blame me....

Sweet dreams Crookshanks...now and always...

Starr